day three: comfort!

I didn't wake up quite as refreshed today, but I've felt pretty good nonetheless. I've been wanting to eat, though. Not because I necessarily feel hungry, but because I miss my old friend, i.e. food. In fact, right now I don't feel hungry at all, but the smell of the curly fries my husband is making right now is enough to make me want to fall off the wagon. I'm keepin' strong though, drinkin' the drink, trying to stay as stress free as possible...

I'm down almost 5lbs. I was shocked that I had lost so much more today. My pants aren't tight, yeay! The great thing about this fast (and perhaps the only thing that really makes it possible) is the instant gratification. Pain, then pleasure... what mode is that? Pain in the beginning, pleasure in the end? Oh yes, passion. Well, that's the story of my life. but I kind of see this as a way to move more towards goodness, eating healthier to avoid the pain altogether. Is it possible? I don't know, in the material world, probably not.


two down, eight or so to go...

today has been a much better day. last night after making my post here I settled in to drink my nightly tea and watch a little ANTM-maya. suddenly I knew it was coming... I threw up everything in my stomache, which essentially was just liquid. it was horrible. I felt horrible. I was seriously considering ending the cleanse right there and then. I took some deep breaths and decided there wasn't much I could do at 8:30 pm...plus I didn't really feel like eating after vomiting anyway. I thought I would see how I felt today and take it one step at a time.

one thing I had forgotten about the cleanse is how well rested I feel when I wake up in the morning. and besides that, it's so easy to actually get up. I just opened my eyes and it was like I had been awake all along. I felt refreshed completely. I took this as just another reminder of how what I eat effects the way my body functions.

my weigh-in was good too. I lost 3.4 lbs. now, I take that with a grain of salt because my scale is a little whacky sometimes and I don't know how accurate my initial weigh-in was. But it felt good non-the-less. the losing will slow down - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't lose anything today. I know it may seem hard to believe, but it's really not completely about losing weight, and I'm trying to keep that as central as possible.

a little brighter today ------>


day one isn't pretty

they say a picture is worth a thousand words. well, I don't even have the words to describe how absolutely horrible I feel right now. I've done this fast twice before and I've never felt this bad. my head is pounding. I can only imagine that this is what a migraine feels like. today is d-day... that is detox day. my body is freaking out because all these crazy toxins are trying to get out. I recently attended a nutrition workshop and the lady giving the class talked about how we shouldn't eat things that have ingredients we can't pronounce. right now I imagine all of those unpronouncable things swimming inside me pushing to get out. get out, get out, get out!

with that said, I need to rest. I need to rest so absolutely. so I'm going to go do that. I just hope that tomorrow is better.


pre-op: I just want to enjoy!

really, the fast starts the day before it starts. mentally, I am preparing myself for ten+ days of no solid food. akuntitha sent me an email that said, "pig out today cuz tomorrow...well, you know!" and oh, I know. so I did everything in my power to eat lots of crap over the past few days... chocolate and cheese galore (not necessarily together, but that wouldn't have been a bad idea!)... in fact I had this crazy grilled cheese tofurky melt for dinner that was so divinely cheese and buttery... mmm.... anyway, you get my point. really, food for me is all about comfort and enjoyment. that's half my problem right there. and Krsna, being Himself, has to throw a little wrench into the equation. a few days ago my toothbrush slipped whilst I was brushing and I cut the inside of my lower gum line. and ouch, immediately I knew what was going to happen. low and behold a day later I had two huge canker sores...and then a day after that a third. mouth pain has to be one of the worst - next to sleep deprivation, which is painful on so many levels... but I digress... so eating hasn't been all that fun the past few days. but I've been trying really hard. I must have spent about $30 just on "remedies" for these damn things... none of which worked, btw. While I try to chew on one side and in the back of my mouth, I imagine Krsna giggling at me and pointing, saying, "Just look at you trying to enjoy!" He's a funny one, that Krsna.
to get started for tomorrow I had to drink my first dose of the laxative tea. did I mention I hate fennel? well, I do. I despise it as much as any one person could and then some. the smell alone was making me gag. but what can I do? it's an essential ingredient to a healthy cleanse. the lemon drink cleans the insides and the tea pushes it all out. a nice visual, right?
and so I embark on day one tomorrow... I have faith that I can do it, I just don't know how fun it will be.
<---on the verge, don't I look so excited?


starting something new, and revisiting the past

ok, I give in. I'm going to do it. after all, what's one more place on the internet to exist?

so here I am. I don't know how often I'll write here, but I thought this might be a good place to just write, regardless of whether or not anyone actually reads it.

you may or may not know that I have done the master cleanse in the past. the first time I did it was about six or seven months ago and it was great. I felt really good afterwards. I lost 11 lbs and only gained about three back initially. then kisori wanted to do it and so I decided to do it a second time with her about two months later. it wasn't very fun the second time around. I wasn't very prepared for it mentally, which is an essential element to doing the cleanse. I lost another 9 lbs and was down to a weight lower than I had been since high school. it was awesome, for like a second, and then I shot right back up - which I expected, because it is impossible for my body to maintain such a low weight. I knew that going in.
now, I am almost back at my original weight from the first time I did it seven months ago...many would claim that this is because the cleanse isn't for weight loss (which, really, it's not... that's a very secondary element) and that it's impossible to maintain that weight loss. well, I balk at you. that's not true. the only reason I gained most of the weight back is because the craziness of my life became even crazier and I went back to my crazy eating habits. yes, I know it is my eating that is the problem... oh and the fact that I haven't exercised in MONTHS. besides how much I eat, I've just been eating junk, junk, junk, which is usually all I have time for. and my body is screaming to stop - my skin is in horrible condition, I'm sluggish and fatigued, among other things. it's time.
and so this coming wednesday...yes, in two days... I will begin a third round of the master cleanse. I'm simultaneously excited and scared. not scared in a bad way, but in a I-don't-want-to-deal-with-the-annoying-part way. the annoying part, as in, being hungry, the unavoidable nasty-mouth-taste, drinking that drink, the laxative tea (which I hate because the taste of fennel makes me gag), the evacuation issues (which is gross, but an oh-so-unavoidable issue...since that's what it's all about!). but I'm dedicated to it. I will do it. and I will feel soooooo much better when it's over. if I keep remembering that, I will be ok.

my goal is to try to blog the cleanse every day. like I said, I don't know how well that will work, but I'm going to try.

on a more KC note, kartika ended a few days ago. it's funny how the purification mist just lifts the next day. the mood is different, so all of a sudden. it was a nice month. I'm happy with how I handled my vratas... but not in a proud way. in a I'm-glad-I-made-reasonable-attainable-choices way. it is depressing, however, how the vratas just melt away the day after. like, if I do those things for a month, why can't I do them all of the time??? somehow most of them just flutter off into the dust, soon to be forgotten.

oh, and vrndavna is happening soon. so soon, but not quite soon enough. yeay vraja!