gender issues and a drunken secretary

so, again, here I am updating you instead of doing work... the humanity!

anyway, yesterday I went for my second pre-natal check-up. after an hour and a half in the waiting room, I finally got to see the doctor for a whole five minutes (this was at 8:30pm, btw!). in the end I wasn't really too annoyed because my doctor is really nice and a little bit cute, so I let it slide. I was a little disappointed because I was hoping to get another sonogram, but I guess it wasn't on the agenda. I did, however, get to hear the heartbeat, which was quite nice.

and so this brings me to the great heartbeat debate. my baby's heartbeat has been around 170, which, according to the old wives' tale, predicts a girl. when I was pregnant with madhavi, her heartbeat was also in the same range. my thoughts... well, even though I know it is an old wives' tale, there is part of me that believes it, solely based on my own experience. could it be wrong? absolutely. do I believe it to be 100% true? absolutely not.

when I was pregnant with madhavi I knew before they even told me that I was having a girl. instinct, perhaps? this time around I have no feeling about the gender what-so-ever. personally, I'm not really a boy person. I know this will sound weird, but I'm a little scared by having to take care of the boy-parts. boy clothes are generally pretty ugly, which is another turn off. I'm also super-anti-traditional boyish things like sports and aggression and stuff. so yea, I wouldn't say I would ask for a boy (you know, like if someone was like "ok, you can have whatever you want"). on the other hand, though I know it sounds like I am, I'm not completely adverse to having a boy either. my husband really wants a son, so I think that makes me kind of want one too - because I want to make him happy - despite my own aversions and issues.

many people say to me they think I'm having a boy... but I think it's more like, "you already have a girl, so you should have a boy next." I don't know if I believe in this logic either... but I think that hearing it so much has also opened me up to thinking about the possibilities.

on the other hand, part of me thinks it's a girl because of the physical changes I am undergoing, which are exactly as they were with my daughter: my nausea/indigestion discomfort is the same, my ars is getting wider and wider by the minute, and I'm not feeling particularly "glowy" or attractive. isn't a wide ars and ugliness a sure sign of a girl?!

in the end, though I know it sounds cliche, I hope and wish every day for a healthy baby. yes, I pray for other little things too - but happy and healthy most importantly. so far, so good.

on a side note, what the hell is with people saying weird things to pregnant ladies?! a case study:

meet the drunken secretary at my work - we'll call her Sally. Sally isn't actually drunk, but she acts really drunk and points her finger at people a lot. here's a little something from this morning:

Sally: So, wait, how far along are you?

Me: 11 weeks.

Sally: Really? Are you sure about that?

Me: Um, yea, I'm sure.

Sally: Wow, you look more than 11 weeks!

Me: yea, I, uh, eat a lot. it's the only thing that makes me feel better.

WTF?! why would a person insinuate that a pregnant lady is looking fat?! people are so weird.

incidentally, I only gained 6 lbs from 7 weeks to 11 weeks... that's not so bad, right?


back, maybe, by demand (though not very popular)

ok, I should totally be doing something else. I have lots of other things to do - homework. writing lesson plans. updating my sub plans. learning to sleep with my eyes open. but alas, I am here. I haven't written in a while mostly because I haven't had the time. when I don't have time, usually I end up lacking inspiration as well. but I've been inspired by my friend devadeva to start up again. I'm really glad that she stared blogging again and is also encouraging me to do so. I think I would be even happier if she would send me some croissants. with chocolate drizzled over them. but I digress...

so what have I been up to all these many months? well, let's see...

for starters, I'm ten weeks into the forty week journey of baby growing. yes, indeed, my husband and I are expecting. we're all really excited. everything seems to be going really well, except the whole nausea/indigestion and getting fat part.

so that leads to the getting fat part... unfortunately the only thing that seems to be making me feel better these days is to eat. and eat more. heavy on the carbs and the dairy. this is bad because it's all going straight to my ever-growing ars. I know they say you show sooner with a second pregnancy... but seriously... really? must it come this quickly??

I started the Marriage and Family Therapy EdS program at The College of New Jersey this semester. It's a twenty-four credit post-MA program that I can use to work towards my state licensure. It's pretty intense, but I do like it. I'm struggling a bit with how I will manage it next semester, what to speak of next year when I have a new baby. but I'm trying to be sensible and just take it one day at a time... baby steps.

I'm still not working as a counselor. this sucks big time. I'm still teaching, though I transferred to another school and am now teaching at my county Juvenile Detention facility. it's not as bad as it sounds, and actually there are a lot of benefits. I'd still rather be counseling though, and that is somewhat depressing.

my husband is in his last semester of his undergraduate studies completing his student teaching. this is both exciting and scary. it's exciting because this means he's really almost done. it's scary because he's going to have to start looking for a real teaching job. it's even scarier because the market really sucks ars (hence why I'm not counseling...) and his subject area (art education) is really hard to get into. but I'm totally keeping a postive perspective and think things will really work out.

my daughter, madhavi-devi, has been dancing up a storm. she spent her summer doing multiple performances of her bharatanatyam dance about Sri Krishna throughout the tri-state. a few weeks ago she had the privledge to be the opening act for Karnamrita dasi (her total hero!) at the Astanga Yoga Center in New York.

I've been struggling a lot with my Krishna conciousness... though this is nothing new. I've been reflecting on it more and more now that I'm pregnant. I don't like that I'm growing a spirit soul in such bad consciousness. I've been trying to look at what I can change and what I can do to improve, though I'm seeing how I am caught in a few vicious cycles. old habits die hard...maybe? anyway, I don't want to get into that too much, but it's in the front of my brain right now, so I thought I'd let it out. I still have faith in guru and Krishna, don't get me wrong. it just feels harder now than it ever has in the past.

hmmm... I think that's pretty much it. So, where to go from here? I guess I'm not really sure. I'd like to write more often, though I don't know how practical it will be. I guess we'll see what comes about...