focus list

remember last week when I said that thing about not being so good at doing things I put on a list? so, yea, right, I didn't do so great on my focus list from last week. but I've decided not to let that keep me down. I am carrying over some of last week's items and changing the wording on others. my daily calendar journal has six extra lines at the end of the week, so I decided I'm going to try to put six things down each week to accomplish. I'm also thinking to make this my weekly monday post. but you know how I feel about promises/vows. hopefully this won't be too much pressure.

as you can see stuff from last week's list is also on this week's list.
 so, what did I actually accomplish from last week? well, I did read one full story from unaccustomed earth. I also worked on jd's valentine's day present, but I didn't actually finish it. mmm, other than that, I did didley squat. but this week, instead of saying which days I would go to the gym, I decided to keep it open for any day, but I definitely have to go 3 times. and even though I didn't practice crocheting, I'm going to try to learn how to make a granny square this week. even though I know it's important to practice, just doing random crocheting is boring. I need some kind of project. and I really want to do something with granny squares, so why not just jump right in?
oh, and I'm rejoining weight watchers. seriously.don't.want.to.talk.about.it.

wish me luck!


saturday in pictures [instagram]

ok, I know I'm a little late - but last night was a bit of a late night. I went dancing! it was so much fun! but you know how the clubbin life can be. totally didn't roll in until after midnight. anywho, not many pictures from there, but here are some from the day...


freaky friday vlog!

this week's vlog is a little bit different. my friend lynn inspired me to piece together some clips from throughout my week. so the whole thing is basically just little pieces of what I've been doing all week. well, and then gita kind of took over the vlog at the end. she's so pushy.


focus list

my focus list for this week includes:

~ reading one story from unaccustomed earth (I'm already half-way through it and would love to finish by the end of this month, but I'm trying to keep my goals realistic...)

~ finish felt matryoshka doll & ship it out to destination

~ finish jd's valentine's day present (because I'd rather not be doing it the night before!)

~ go to the gym tuesday/thursday/friday

~ do some yoga monday/wednesday (mmm, it's monday, and this may not happen... we'll see!)

~ continue crochet practice

like I said, I'm trying to keep my focus for this week realistic and tangible. I'm the type who generally writes a list and then never does anything on it. and then I hate myself for it...so, yea, I'm not so sure why I bother to keep making lists - I'm either a sadist or an optimist. I guess we'll see how that turns out!


from the archives: bedside

the other night this old poem popped into my head. when I think about who I wrote this for at the time I giggle a little. and uh, no, I'm not telling you! but now I just look back at it and think that it was such a lonely time in my life. and for however depressed I get, I'm glad that this type of loneliness is in the past.

* * *

what I wouldn't give
to have you lying here beside me,
to roll over and have our noses touch
to feel your warm belly and icy toes, 
for you to fill in the holes
and soak up this emptiness.


random thursday ~ the dark place and stuff

I found out this week that I gained almost 10lbs since I came back to work from my maternity leave. I worked really hard to lose almost 50lbs on WW while I was away from work, and the fact that I've gained back so much is so insanely depressing to me. I won't go back on WW because I'm really at a point where it kind of stops working and I just bounce around a pound here and a pound there and pay them a lot of money for nothing. I started doing what I like to call the Quantum Wellness detox - though, I think it's a pretty popular detox that wasn't made up by Kathy Freston necessarily. basically it's refraining from animal products (including dairy - which is the hard part for me - I'm veg, but not vegan), gluten, sugar, alcohol, and caffeine. I don't drink, so the alcohol part is no problem. I'm actually not giving up caffeine... because seriously, I'd jump off a bridge right now if I couldn't drink my daily zen green. the no gluten is a huge challenge, but really, the hardest has been the abstaining from sugar. I had the realization that I have something sweet after almost every meal.... and then many times in between meals as well. I've been jonesin' for something sweet for days and now I'm just flat out depressed. like seriously fiending-no-more-sugar-crack depressed. my husband said to me tonight that he felt like there was a black cloud over my head. and I've been super moody, like snapping at dumb stuff for no reason and going to what jd and I call "the dark place", which is where I go in my head to think about all of the negative stuff about myself. I've had serious self-loathing issues my whole life, but man, I haven't felt it this intensely for a long time. ugh, I don't even want to think about it. but really, I'm thinking about it nonstop.

anyway, I've been trying to stay strong and not break down. I used to have super-hero strength will-power... how else would I have been able to do the master cleanse like four times?! and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm still nursing, I'd TOTALLY be doing that right now. but I digress... I've been drinking this smoothie recipe from my bff lynn's blog. I've since become a huge fan of cacoa. it's bitter, but then again, so am I. ha! actually, tonight I put a tiny bit of agave in it and it took the edge off the bitterness and while I was drinking it I was thinking to myself that if I could just drink that damn smoothie all day I'd be in a much better mood.

drinking my cacoa smoothing from my hulk glass. me hulk. me smash.

on another note, I've been trying to get in the groove with my crocheting. I was trying to do the crochet school through the crafty minx, but I kind of got frustrated with that fact that when I tried to talk to the video tutorial, it wouldn't talk back. ha! what I mean is that I realized I really needed someone to help me in person, so my friend dayna and I had a quick meet up during a playdate and she gave me some tips. my work is still pretty messy, but I'm hoping that practice will make perfect.

the early stages of my practice crochet piece.
the other day I came across this post on tera sue's blog and was totally blown away! I love this idea - like in the way that I now have a total girl crush on madeline, but also in a way like I wish I had thought of it!! but since I didn't, and we're almost already a whole month into 2012, I thought maybe I could do it on a smaller scale - like just do a month instead of a year. at first I thought I would do it just about my day-in-the-life, but then I thought maybe it would be less narcissistic if I did one about gita's every day. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm playing with the idea. maybe I'll do it up in february! take a gander at her 2011 video... and if you love her as much as I do, check out her other videos on vimeo too!


have bieber, will travel

some people have a flat stanley or a traveling gnome... we have a bieber. over christmas we took a family roadtrip to orlando, florida to visit the meccas known as disney world and universal studios. my husband decided to let his new justin bieber doll (that I got him for christmas, mind you) be our guide. enjoy!