I haven't *really* been running per say - but something like it. ok, yea, more like a jog. but when I'm up on that treadmill it certainly feels like running...but luckily for my ego there's a full-length mirror on the opposite wall of the treadmills, so all I have to do is look over at myself to know that I am for sure not running. but it's ok because I've been kind of kicking ass at the whole couch-to-5k thing. and when I say kicking ass, I mean I've been pretty good at going to the gym at least three times a week...sometimes more than that, which has felt amazing. so far I'm on week five, though I've been doing the program for more than five weeks. I've repeated some of the weeks to help build up my endurance. but it's been really nice for building up my confidence, because there has been a few weeks that I looked at the jogging times and thought for sure I couldn't do it - and then went ahead and did it! I'm still skeptical of myself though - when I think about jogging for even ten minutes straight I start to feel a little anxiety. but for now I'm doing great.

I'm also still doing weight watchers, which kind of sucks but has been really helping. so far with WW and c25k combined, I've lost 7 lbs. since the beginning of february. that's pretty damn good if you ask me. I was thinking about it today and decided to treat myself to my very first mocha frappe of the season. it is, after all, the first day of spring... I deserve it!

so, yea, that's what I've been up to.



I haven't been writing - on here, in my head, or pretty much anywhere. not writing hurts my little soul. I have stuff in my head and I haven't been able to formulate it into anything comprehensible. this weekend I'm going to the Dodge Giving Voices poetry program and I need to bring four poems with me to share with the other participants (poems by other people, not  by me). so I was looking through philip schultz's failure, which was gifted to me by a friend a few months ago. and then it was like a flood - just phrases and ideas. it's a bit of a work in progress, but it's something better than nothing.

why do we close our eyes
when we hear bad news?
to not see the pain
that has come
into our ears?
as if
it can be shut out
or turned off -

I think this
as I tell him
I have never made
a pot of coffee.
I wouldn't even know
how it is supposed to taste -
how you taste -
this is a thing
I could never offer you -

I think this
as I drive
and I see things
and ask myself
about metaphors in nature -
like the crow
eating the dead squirrel
in the road -
what does it mean -
am I the crow?
or the squirrel?
or both
or neither.

I think this
and I close my eyes to it
the thought of it -
the thought of you
and the coffee
and the things
I can
never give.


radio silence

...so I'm taking a little bit of a blog vacay. probably just for this week. I've been in my head a lot over the past few weeks and I'm not sure how to get out or whether I want to. strangely, I'm kind of ok with it. but I'll be back. pinky promise.